Have you ever been to a kids party in Norway?
Yes? No? Don’t have kids? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I believe I have some interesting insights for you, my discerning reader.
Whether or not you have children, sometime in the future, you may be faced with a decision of attending a child’s birthday party. This may seem like a simple undertaking, however, do not be fooled. There is a host of unspoken truths that many fail to mention. You must actually experience those truths to understand. You will endure humiliation in some form or other without understanding the infractions that you committed. When I say you, I mean me.
Notes from a father
To preface, I write from the seasoned perspective of a father of two children, and husband of a very sweet yet firm wife. When I say firm, I mean completely in charge. We have lived in Norway for the past four years, raising our two girls exclusively in the wonderfully family friendly and relatively socially inclusive environment that Norway is famous for.
My wife is an original American, as my family says, and I am Bosnian-American, as I say. We do not speak Norwegian yet. Some may frown upon that, however, every time we consider picking up classes we have the same conversation; “How long are we going to be here, really?” “How useful is it for us to learn?” This issue is only becoming more urgent as our oldest daughter learns Norwegian in barnehage.
Each time we have this conversation I picture myself sitting in a bar in southern California (where we came from and most likely will return eventually). I randomly come across Norwegian tourists, distinguishable by their capris shorts and sandals, and I amaze them because this random American guy they just met speaks fluent Norwegian.
Unfortunately, the dream quickly fades, considering that the Norwegian I do speak is limited to a few select phrases. “Har du Vipps?” or, “Dommer er du seriøs?” As you can tell my interests are paying for things I probably don’t need and playing football a bit too vigorously.
This sets the stage for the insights I wish to share with you. You can’t judge a book by its cover but you can judge a dad by his behavior at a kid’s birthday party.
To drink or not to drink?
We have been to several birthday parties over the last three years for children ranging in age from 1 to 4 and we have seen both alcohol friendly and alcohol free occasions. The challenge at these things comes from understanding the social cues regarding whether or not it is okay to drink something other than boxed juice. Most people that I have encountered seem to have the same semi-guilt that I do when drinking a beer around other people’s kids. The rules do not seem to be explicitly clear. This appears to affect both hosts and guests.
At times it appears the hosts serve alcohol because it seems right. Most of the people we know are new parents so, like us, they just look back at what they did the last time they threw a shindig and go with that. Guests who tend to be relatively new to the experience also do what they normally do, bring a sack of beer and guard it with their lives. As we expand our network and attend more kids parties we see a range of differences. Adult bevvies have been replaced with organic hand-made juices and other items found on Pinterest. Themes are announced well in advance and there is a herculean effort put into the whole event, making me feel slightly insecure.
What is normal?
Is this normal? Is this what we need to do every time? Now there is nothing wrong with having a bit of pizazz at your one-year old’s birthday party. All I’m saying is that expectations need to be clear, especially when considering the big kids that will be attending. Is it okay to drink or will I be voted off the island if I take a sip of something that does not contain coconut water.
For example, when I brought my own beer, to share of course, to a kid’s party I did get a few looks from some of the moms/grandmas. The looks were not, “Awe, look at that selfless handsome man bringing beer to share with his friends.” They were more sinister in nature. The husbands, my so-called brothers in arms, were visibly defeated as they politely declined my incessant offers to share my bounty. This left me to do what I normally do at these types of events; play with my daughter, possibly to her detriment, as there are plenty of other children around to play with, so that I can avoid having awkwardly silent conversations with the locals.
Therefore, to be clear, hosts and guests alike need to know the rules prior to the event. We should make people feel comfortable and free to enjoy themselves with their children and not set unnecessary expectations. Nobody wants an Uncle Martin, passed out on the swing set, but we do want people to come and have a good time. This may require a bit of education.
The Norwegian fun switch
Norwegians, in my singular opinion, seem to have a switch. Before they have children it is almost obligatory to get so inebriated when they drink that Oslo literally turns into an episode of the Walking Dead every Friday night through Sunday morning. The only reason I know is that I have had to take an early flight and, let’s just say that, I made sure my door was locked. When the kids come, the switch is hit, and they are now supposed to be responsible adults that frown upon consumption and excess. No middle ground. Why can’t we have the best of both worlds, bit of fun and the kids?
To my own dismay, I have experienced, what appears to be, the disapproving gaze of the Norwegian neighbors, watching our party escalate. I offer you a choice, my otherwise very friendly and polite neighbors who appear to not support the choices I make as an adult, don’t look at us roasting a lamb in our common area with bewilderment. Come try it.
The expectations or the rules, are pretty simple and relatively clear when attending our Balkan/American children’s party. You may drink wine, beer or juice. While we are at it, you can even drink water. The only thing you can’t do is be irresponsible, not because you’re old enough now to know better, but because it’s just bad form, come on Uncle Martin.
In closing, a brief message to our readers that are planning a children’s party, think about the adults too.